Hello everyone, long time.
Hope everyone has been okay, today I went out, like I left my house. It was weird, my palms got sweaty, my hands were shaking and I almost felt like throwing up.
That is TMI, I know, I am sorry, but this is how I am right now and I just wanted to state it, to move onto my post title, I have moments of sanity too. I have moments when I lift my head, and I feel like I can do it, and I make plans in my head.
Sadly though, like everything in life, those thoughts and moments dont last long for me, and before I know it, I am sitting in my room trying my hardest to pretend, to fool myself that nothing is wrong and that I am okay.
NOT GOING TO WORK!
But I think I am okay with that, I am not okay, but I am okay with not being okay.
So in the last few days, I dont know what triggered this in me, but I have been really thinking, what do I want, what can I do?! I dont know the answers to these questions, I am no longer as sure of myself as I once was.
But I figured a good space to start was here, and since my Bluehost auto-renewed and I got a notification it seemed like a sign to start here. So here I am.
I have no clue what to do with my life, I haven’t been studying shit, so my Korean level has dropped, my IQ has probably dropped lol, all I have done is play video games and watch tv.
Occasionally while I game I have Korean TV in the background for listening practice, while avoiding things that could trigger me, things trigger me now, and when they do oh holly doo dah is it a nightmare. I have learnt to max out my control as I get very odd urges (bad stuff dont know young-lings might be reading this so shhh) ^_^
But back to like life, and studies. I dont know what I want to study, every time I think I know what to try I back out. The last was Journalism and Media Studies, but it falls short of me being a language and culture person at my core as a human being so I dont think I could have any enjoyment from it. Or maybe I could? I dont know.
So school, on the fence about what to do 🙂 but of course doing it once I figure it out.
Language, I suck right now I am sure of it, so I have decided to take like a few lessons to act as both a review (some content yo) – and to have an evaluation of what my level is and what I need to pick up with. No more Japanese just Korean now.
You didn’t ask, and you dont care but I will share. I wanna go to Korea, and I have my trip planned out I just have to save for like half a year and go 😛 I am determined to go to Korea, not only because this is Korean Notebook, and not only because I love Korea and Korean but also to cleanse my soul.
I need it. And I will do it.
So I have to put myself to it and get going, evaluation of my Korean level is in like 2 days and then from there I know what to do 🙂
In the meantime, in a bit I will have like a really bad video of my books (like a mini-book tour) – I say MINI because I dont have half of my books, they have been packed away and misplaced, and I have to look for them. These are what I have now. So I have like 20 books and magazines and different resources I need to find 🙁
It will be a long night. (what with gaming and all too)
Well, laters 😀 (and if you made it to the end grats)
Tell me how you been in a comment 🙂 missed ya’ll.